How much does britney spears weigh?
How much does britney spears weigh?
In America the only things we love more than the absurd status of our celebrities are the rare chances we get to viciously throw them from the pedestals we have created. We love assisting in the creation of famous people by tuning into their shows or buying their albums, but we would much rather watch, pleasantly aghast, as our idols plunge from the summit of adoration into our on looking base-camp below. In essence, we actually like Wilson Philips better now as the punch line to a bad joke than we ever did when they were producing quality, if dangerously overweight, pop-rock in the early 90s – which may explain the amount of press being given to Britney Spears’ current pop-star high dive. The girl is in absolute freefall and people can’t get enough.
Even one year ago Britney’s name was being batted around as the heir to Madonna’s throne as the “queen of pop.” At that point she had a fourth platinum selling record and a hit single, “Toxic,” mistaken in some sections of Russia as referring to the country’s troubled relationship with nuclear energy. Actually about a semi-abusive love affair, “Toxic” was a huge success and seemed to reflect her development as an artist and the continuing evolution of her sound. We didn’t know if she was a girl or a woman, but whatever she was we loved her. But then it all went to hell. Or more accurately … Louisiana.
As nearly as anyone can tell Britney began playing Russian roulette with her career last year when she married a childhood friend for a period of 36 hours in Las Vegas. While this was incredible promotional material for a city that prides itself on proving that anything can and does happen, it was a solid body blow to her image.
Britney had an image predicated on the assumption of un-attainability. Record executives knew that average guys assumed we could never have her, but, just like stopping for a pretty girl in a crosswalk, we would buy her records as a thank you for being so out of our league. Good plan, unless the star around which this image has been constructed goes and does something stupid like marry a farm boy from Louisiana whose resume includes things like “playing high school football” and “denying domestic abuse charges.”
Average guys everywhere thought, “Hey, I’m no catch. But look at this guy. At least I don’t work at Chick-Fil-A.” The marriage got average guys thinking and when average guys think it’s never good for anyone in marketing. And just like that, the Britney bubble popped; in record time she went from jailbait fantasy to divorcee of questionable virtue.
In typical fashion Britney attempted to divert attention from the controversy by releasing a greatest hits album. A pretty standard move (see attached graph: release dates of Michael Jackson Greatest Hits versus dates of molestation indictments) but she added an extra twist. Britney decided the best way to sell her Greatest Hits and make people forget about her domestically violent ex-husband was to cover a song by Bobby Brown, an artist who’s relationship with Whitney Houston has been featured on at least six episodes of Cops. And we weren’t buying it. The drama just wasn’t exciting anymore. Almost overnight Britney became way too normal to watch. Her whole scandal was not enough rock and roll and too much backwoods Louisiana soap opera: too little Hollywood and too much Waffle House.
We expect a lot of our celebrities when they make mistakes and Britney just didn’t deliver. If she had woken up in Tijuana with a vial of crack, a Los Lonely Boys sex tape from the previous evening and a nasty case of scabies we might have paid attention. But marrying a high school friend and then claiming they were stone sober when it happened is to rock and roll scandals what Hall and Oates were to rock and roll. Then in a desperate effort to prove that her life was not becoming some sick Redneck one-act, Britney got married again, put on 40 pounds and is now having a baby. Call me convinced.
I suppose we have to face the fact that we are enjoying this a little too much. All of it, the divorce, her drive-thru second marriage, and especially her hideous weight gain. In a recent issue US Weekly even tried to break the record for “pictures of one person eating Dairy Queen” in a smear article about Spears. It’s exactly this kind of thing that we should be ashamed of. We elevated her miles above ourselves and when she couldn’t handle it, she just jumped. Is that her fault? But as she comes crashing down towards the rest of us make sure to get out of the way. Someone could get hurt. Have you seen how big she’s gotten? Well, let me tell you …